Ever had that sinking feeling in your gut along with an anxiousness that can’t be described? Have you experienced your pulse racing while a film of perspiration starts to settle across your forehead? It seems like your heart is beating with such force that you can almost see it bouncing against your chest. The best way I can describe it is when driving 10-15 miles over the speed limit, you pass by a police car tucked away over to the side of the road, out of sight till it's too late and BUSTED!! As you drive away, looking in the rear view mirror, the police car doesn’t come tearing out of its hideaway. You give a heavy sigh and whisper, "thank you Jesus." The after effect of the adrenaline that pulsed through your body resonates for a while. Your legs feel noodle like and your palms may be moist as you continue to make your way to wherever you were going.
FEAR
I think we can all relate to a story like this. Maybe not the actual “fleeing from the cops” scenario, but some memory is remembered when the word fear is mentioned. It might be a time when a friend popped out of a closet to scare you and caught you off guard. Perhaps you recall a time venturing through a haunted house for Halloween and those actors were just too real. The thing about fear is, the feeling dissipates when the circumstances surrounding it end. That doesn’t happen with all emotions.
In her book “Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less than, Left Out and Lonely,” Lysa Terkeurst maneuvers around the subject of rejection in top notch fashion. While reading this book, I was challenged with a new point of view by the author while experiencing the pain of feeling excluded, invalidated, and discarded throughout my own life. Like. Right. Now. Let me say this, I don’t like this feeling. And one more thing, I know it won’t be the last time my heart will hurt like this. Note to self: Find book and re-read it.
God created and gifted us with emotion. God feels. Did you know that? The bible says, "He created us in His likeness ." We have all been created with emotions, like God. Passion, sadness, anger, despair and joy are just a few that come to mind. A major difference between how God deals with emotions versus how humans do, is God does NOT sin when He feels emotion. I wish I could say the same. In God’s economy there is purpose for everything. Nothing was created out of silliness or happenstance. God wants us to live life on purpose and know there is a reason for everything.
When I ask myself questions about why I am feeling hurt, there is usually a memory that surfaces. I take some time to marinate in that. I’ve heard it said that pain is preparation for your destiny. My human nature wants to deflect and push the pain away, because who likes pain?
Could it be that God sees something deep within that needs addressing? An area of brokenness that needs attention and healing? Experience tells me that’s exactly what’s going on. If I’m wise, I will look within. Ask God about the details and wait for Him to help us walk through that. I want to be wise. I tend to be a bit of a risk taker. When I am scared or fearful, I find it a challenge to embrace risks while being afraid. When I get past the fear, I feel victorious. It’s a rush. I can release that heavy sigh and give myself a fist pump in the air. It is not the same with rejection. It lingers.
I’m thankful to have family, friends and people who love me. Not everyone does. The truth is that everyone has God to lean on 24 hours a day. He is always there for you! When you are feeling left out, lonely and sad, ask Him to join you. He will never let you down!
Diane